Metal Game Review: Judas priests Road to Valhalla

The existence of this game makes me happy. This is a game in which Rob Halford is playing guitar on top of the bike from the painkiller album whilst riding through hell on the way to valhalla. It’s a game revolving around classic Priest songs, it’s so metal it might physically make your iPhone heavier. It’s also utterly, hilariously awful.

The idea is you rhythmically tap your way to success by jabbing at your screen in time to tiny cogs lining up with tiny circles on the ground. Get enough cogs lined up with circles and you add another layer (guitars, vocals etc) to the song and get fun animations of attacking zombies and monsters magically combusting or getting knocked back. I’ll forewarn now though,keeping an eye on tiny cogs does not a fun game make. They all move at different speeds and end up in different places and, even more frustratingly, aren’t always in the same time to the music as you think they should be.

Add to this the somewhat forced looking cutscenes between levels of Rob Halford himself addressing the player about how awesome the whole thing is and it becomes an exercise in trying your best not to visibly cringe.

The saving grace here is of course the music. This is a rhythm action game with the song’s turbo lover and painkiller on it, no dodgy game systems, level design and cheesy cutscenes will ever take this simple fact away. And yes, it will make you continually smile about how ridiculously fan pleasing everything is, right down to the main menu having the cover of redeemer of souls where the figure in the foreground is playing a riff on a superimposed guitar. At £1.99 your not going to feel too ripped off anyway if your a big fan of Judas priest, just don’t be expecting the game of the year here.

 

2 Screaming for Vengeance Eagles out of 5

 

Album Review: Expulsion – Nightmare future

An orgy of extreme metal played so fast and full on that the entire album is only thirteen minutes long. Well you know what your getting here, musically assaulted for the duration. If you like your traditional death metal in particular this is a great listen, with such a short running time it can’t possibly really outstay it’s welcome and without any filler whatsoever it’s just a pure slice of metal. There’s almost a municipal waste sense of fun to proceedings as well, at no point are expulsion taking themselves too seriously. If this band aren’t starting circle pits in gigs in the next year or so something has gone terribly wrong.

4 exploding heads out of 5

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Album Review: Ewigkeit – Cosmic Man

This album really does chunter along nicely. Black metal mixed with prog rock makes for a brilliantly entertaining listen. At times intense, at others almost a relaxing sojourn, this is one album that can never be accused of boring the listener. You’ll figure out pretty quickly if you’ll love it or loathe it as tracks surreally slide between satisfying thrash guitar and otherworldly synth patterns from the first two tracks onwards. Whilst only occasionally getting to truly spectacular heights this album remains very satisfying throughout, with Fogarty making barely a misstep throughout. Give it a go, if only for the almost shock rock like track of ‘Neon ghoul ride’ and a cover of Iron Maiden’s ‘two minutes to midnight’ that has all the crazy deep purple style organ you never knew it needed.

4 space constellations orbiting in reverse out of 5

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